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For
successful, career women, finding a groom has become a problem
as the value-system has not changed much and the homemaker
wife is till a preferred choice , finds Ritusmita Biswas
She works in one of the largest multinational
companies in the city and draws a whooping salary of ninety
thousand per month. 34-year-old Sharmila Majumdar is beautiful
and attractive. A postgraduate from IIM Ahmedabad, Sharmila,
however, is desperate to "get settled" in life.
But she is yet to find a right match for her.
Sharmila is not an
exception. There are several other women who are shelling
out hefty sums to the marriage bureaus across the metros hoping
that they will find that special someone who will add a dash
of colour to their routine lives.
In fact, a survey of the premier marriage
bureaus in Kolkata and Mumbai show that several of their clients
are successful, independent career women who are in their
mid- thirties. "With more and more number of women being
highly educated and thoroughly career-oriented, the equation
in the marriage mart has changed. Earlier, women were usually
seen in the role of homemakers even if brilliant in studies
and were married off at the first opportunity. But today,
many urban women wait till their careers take off to think
of marriage. "On the other hand, even today most men
look for a bride who is young, not so ambitious and essentially
a homemaker," says Bidyut Ghosh, proprietor of a premium
marriage bureau in Kolkata.
Agrees Jeet, a well settled, just- married professional in
his early thirties: "If I am well settled financially.
I definitely looked for a bride who is essentially a homemaker.
The basic purpose of marriage is to create a home and if we
both partners are highflyers, how can we have a well-settled
home?"
His claims are rubbished by Jaya Barua, a
senior media professional. "If you are keen, and if both
the partners are co-operative despite heavy schedules, you
can have a lovely home and a great family life. Basically,
men feel insecure about marrying more successful women,"
she says. Till date Jaya has not married as most of the suitors
who have come into contact are unsure about her hectic media
schedule and have hinted that she shifts to some other more
"womanly" profession. "But I am not ready to
do so. It took me years of hard work to achieve the place
I am in now, so how can I just sacrifice everything for an
elusive institution called marriage?" she says.
Agrees Neha Jain, a marketing manager with
a reputed national organisation. "Absolutely out of the
question! Under no circumstances can I give up my career.
Marriage is important but it can wait until I find an option
that is suited to my lifestyle and career," she says.
Psychoanalyst Indrani Ghosh, however, says
that often around 35 women undergo an emotional metamorphosis.
"I remember this particular case when this woman, around
36 years of age and a senior manager with Pepsi, had a nervous
breakdown. She came to me for treatment and while talking
with her I realised that acute loneliness was the major cause
of her problem. Women, I believe, have some natural urges,
like that of being a mother which they cannot defy. And why
only women? Marriage, or any sort of emotional companionship,
is the basic need of anyone and so denying this basic need
for unduly long periods of time can spell psychological trouble."
She ,of course, did not ask her client to get married at once
as she was not in the right frame of mind but she did ask
her to take a break and explore other avenues in life except
her career; maybe take up some interesting hobby.
"Unlike a 32-year-old man, a woman of
the same age is often under tremendous social pressure to
get married. These women often busy with their careers hardly
find any time to socialise and so the best bet is to go for
an online marriage agency," says a senior official of
the matchmaking website Shaadi.com. He confirms that several
of the profiles posted in their site are of women who are
well past what is called the "decent marriageable age."
Over the years, the crisis of women in the
marriage market has worsened confirms Bidyut Ghosh of 'Bibaha
Bandhani'. "The basic rule is that every woman is an
eligible candidate but every man is not. With more and more
women carving out a niche career for themselves and the rising
level of unemployment in the country, the numbers of eligible
bachelors has waned." Moreover, women do not want to
marry less established or less qualified men as compared to
themselves, Ghosh observes.
A senior official of 'Tathya Kendra',
another popular marriage bureau of Kolkata, points out that
for every 350 would-be brides, there are not more than 30
grooms enrolled in their bureau. Is there a way out of this
crisis? "Yes," says software engineer Satarupa Ray:
"Firstly, one has to realise that there is no crisis.
I have seen among my friends that however educated or established
a woman is, she is often desperate for a relationship. This
should not be the case. After all, marriage is a necessity
for both men and women. Moreover, educated women should have
the mental strength to defy societal taboos and get married
to a man who is less educated, successful, younger or shorter
than her!"
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